Is Marriage Worth It?
By Therese Stahl
Marriage is the hardest thing I have ever done. This is not because I have a bad marriage. Thanks be to God, I do not. This is because of the importance of marriage.
The profound truths of marriage are so foundational that the Holy Spirit puts them in the 27th and 28th verses, the first breath, of Holy Scripture. “God created man in His image; in the divine image He created him; male and female He created them. God blessed them, saying, be fertile and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it…” (Gn 1:27-28).
Here we learn that human beings are created in God’s image, the basis of our worth and dignity. God created us male and female. We are each distinct, complimentary, and equal in dignity. God gifted us with sexuality to procreate. This gift is properly ordered when it is in the context of the marriage of a man and a woman and when it is open to life.
We are created not only for relationship with God but also for relationship with each other. God gives us each a vocation, or state, in life: the priesthood, marriage, or the single life. It is in these vocations that we work out holiness in relationship.
We can see an example of working out holiness in marriage in the lives of Saints Louis and Zélie Martin, parents of St. Thérèse of Lisieux. Before marriage, both Louis and Zélie yearned for a religious, consecrated life. At the time, virginity was seen as a perfected holy state.
On their wedding night, the two agreed to live as brother and sister with the goal of achieving sainthood. God instead led them to holiness through marriage, not despite marriage.
The spouses cooperated with the will of God by keeping God at the center of their marriage and at the center of their growing family, which blossomed to five daughters living and four babes in Heaven. The sacraments, especially the Eucharist, were paramount in their lives. By ordering their lives in such a way, the couple did reach sainthood: eternal life with God in Heaven.
This year’s National Marriage Week in the Church, which begins on Feb. 7, has the theme “Marriage … One Flesh, Given and Received.”
Earthly marriage is connected to the Eucharist. Christ sacrificed himself for us. At the Mass, which the Church describes as the “heavenly marriage feast,” we are fed by His Body and Blood. We are given the graces needed to build a sacrificial earthly marriage. And it is true that Jesus through the Church gives the grace to reach sainthood no matter our vocation.
Remember Ann Landers? Landers, under this pen name, wrote as a syndicated advice columnist for some 50 years, first appearing in the Chicago Sun-Times. In the 1970s, she asked her readers, “If you had it to do over again, would you marry the person to whom you are now married?” Within ten days of publishing the question, 50,000 responses were mailed into her office. Fifty-two percent of the responses, signed and unsigned, voted “no.” The breakdown in the state of marriage could, perhaps, be seen even back then. Now marriage is not just breaking down, but under deliberate attack.
Given the gloomy statistics, is it even worth getting married? Given the “ease” of divorce, is it worth investing time and energy in improving our marriages or in trying to save a faltering marriage? Considering the foundational truth of marriage and considering that the souls of husband, wife, and child are at stake, my answers are a resounding “yes!”
A website of the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops, foryourmarriage.org, provides resources for those who are dating and engaged, married, or parenting. No marriage is perfect, yet each marriage is sacramentally graced. This website is a good first step in choosing your spouse, enriching your marriage, handling adversity, or even rebuilding after divorce or the death of a spouse. Checking it out is worth it!