Christian sanctification includes carrying our personal crosses in life (Lk 9:23, 14:27; Mt 6:24; Mk 8:34).

Unfortunately, those crosses are not often ones we choose. Regardless, Jesus gives us an example and assures us of His help. Despite their difficulty, it is through them that we become a more perfect image of Jesus, grow in holiness, and reach Christian perfection. This is true for us all.

It is also true that part of carrying any cross means “denying myself” — letting go of things I may not want to let go of or becoming detached from something that might lead me astray. It is never easy, but absolutely essential. Most of us would prefer to do the opposite — we would much rather “deny” our crosses than ourselves.

This speaks to what the Catechism of the Catholic Church says regarding the cross of same-sex attraction. It is clear in stating both the seriousness of the trial and the absolute hope held out for those with this attraction (CCC 2358-2359). It reminds all Christians to “accept with respect, compassion and sensitivity” those who struggle in this way. But such acceptance can never mean approval of the behavior.

Approval means encouraging a “denial of the cross” rather than a “denial of self” — contradicting Jesus’ teaching and failing in the basic charity we owe our brothers and sisters. Condoning such behavior fails to respect the true good of the person by essentially judging them incapable of meeting the standard of conduct the Gospel calls for; basically saying “chastity is too much to expect from you.”

True love and respect means we encourage them to achieve the kind of perfection Jesus speaks of and which recognizes that “with God all things are possible.” Doing this says a person deserves more than simply the pleasures which come from indulging earthly desires, by saying instead they are worth all the joys of heaven.

For those with same-sex attraction it will mean, as the catechism says, a life of chastity. Some people hear this as a sort of sentence imposed, when in reality every Christian is called to chastity of some kind or another. There is a universal call to chastity, even if not to celibacy.

However, some people are called to live their chastity in the context of celibacy (Mt 19:11-12), and not just priests and nuns, but all those who are not called to sacramental marriage as envisioned by God.

It is important to remember that chastity is a good thing, not a bad thing. It frees rather than imprisons.

It requires and builds virtue and discipline, regardless of the context within which it is lived. Indeed, it is a very different message than what our modern culture offers, but then again the Gospel has always been counter-cultural.

How unfair and demeaning it would be not to encourage a higher virtue, especially one that can contribute to Christian perfection!

And yet, sometimes people misunderstand this as though chastity means a joyless existence. How impoverished and anti-Christian such thinking is!

Growth in virtue leads to more joy than indulging earthly desires ever will. Frequently family members fall for the lie that loving someone with same-sex attraction means accepting whatever they want to do.

But this is not love any more than it would be love to condone an extramarital sexual relationship.

Rather, encouraging them not to engage in such behavior is the more loving response.

Sadly, our culture has devolved to the level where the pleasures of life take precedence over the Gospel virtues which lead to eternal life. This seems especially prevalent in the area of sexuality, and not surprisingly, much of the debate over “same-sex marriage” flows from such a world view.

As Christians we must, in love, have the fortitude to encourage those with difficult crosses, like same-sex attraction, to carry them with true dignity, virtue and the strength that only God can give.