I recently attended a benefit for a good friend and former staffer at The Observer. Frank Scheir worked for the paper in the early 1990s. He left us to own and operate the Rock River Times newspaper.
As newspaper people often do, we remained friends and got together when possible to share a drink or two and “talk shop.” Frank suffered a stroke recently and it was discovered the stroke was caused by lung and brain cancer he didn’t even know he had. After Frank publicly disclosed his illness, many of his friends got together to help him financially by holding an informal fundraiser.
The evening was full of food, music and storytelling, along with door prizes and silent auction items and lots of memories of Frank — everything brought as an offering of thanks for the page Frank may have written in their own book of life.
And thankfully Frank, even though a bit weakened by medical treatments, was there to share it with friends, acquaintances and people who just wanted to help. As I watched Frank walk up and down the long tables, looking over the donations that filled them, both his disbelief and gratitude were visible. He was surprised, grateful and overwhelmed.
Also in the last month, I have been to two funerals and their respective wakes or visitations. Again, people gathered to show their respects and express sympathy but also gratitude for how the deceased and their families had touched their lives. There were flowers, photos and other remembrances of the lives lived and shared. People sent flowers, food and lovely words.
Participating in these beautiful outpourings of concern got me to thinking. Why do we do this only in the most dire of circumstances? Why do we hold a wake to celebrate and console each other about the worth of people who mean so much to us when the people who mean so much aren’t there to hear it or are so burdened with illness, it’s hard for them to comprehend?
Perhaps we could start a new tradition beyond the birthday, beyond the benefits and beyond the funerals.
In thinking about all this, I remembered that back in 1991, “Star Trek The Next Generation” TV series aired an episode about how an alien culture dealt with their elderly. It presented euthanasia as a moral dilemma set on the planet Kaelon II.
On the fictional planet, when someone turns age 60, all their family and friends gather to make presentations about their life and worth in what they called a “resolution.” This was a wonderful way to celebrate another. Of course, I was all into this episode until the part about the mandatory killing of oneself just because one was 60!
Obviously I am not suggesting suicide or euthanasia at any age, but I do like the part about gathering to resolve old wounds and give thanks for the lives of others while they are still alive.
Why can’t we take a lesson from our existing rituals, our
Scripture and even our science fiction fantasies and create a “New Thanksgiving” for each other? Why shouldn’t we gather to give thanks and remember like they did at the Last Supper when Jesus still walked among His disciples? Why must we wait for death or illness?
Have a fake wake. Have a party. Pick a certain age and instead of gag gifts, black balloons and over-the-hill napkins and plates, get those photos out that are so often displayed at a funeral and put ’em up. Walk down memory lane with a real live person who can explain the image and the moment captured.
Get out those awards and trophies for display. Make a receiving line and let people offer thanks for the role someone has played in your life and celebrate with food and music.
Bring platters of food and bouquets of flowers. Gather around a table and swap stories. You could even extend it by attending Mass with all your friends and loved ones and gathering around the Lord’s table, not in sorrow but with joy! Sing songs, pray, laugh, cry — and do it all in the presence of the one you want to celebrate. Instead of “I’m sorry for your loss,” you can say “I’m grateful for your life!”
This may be a crazy idea but gratitude, charity and love can be offered anytime. Maybe I’ll just take my fake wake idea and serve a little of it with our Thanksgiving turkey.