Many years ago, I encountered a young man who was really struggling with his faith. As we talked it became clear that his struggle stemmed from the way he had been approaching his prayer.

He related to me the story of how he had had a very sick relative who was near death. The young man prayed that God would not let the relative die, but would provide healing instead. It was a prayer to avoid what surely would’ve been a painful loss.

Many of us have probably prayed in a similar fashion and there’s nothing wrong with praying like this. But the problem with the young man’s faith really came from something else he did with that prayer.
Besides praying for his relative’s healing, he began to add, “God, if you’re really there and you really love me, you won’t let this person die, you’ll heal them.”

Sadly, when the young man’s relative died, his faith also began to die. He had tied his faith in God to a particular and specific outcome. Since his prayer was not answered the way he wanted, he took it to mean God either wasn’t there or didn’t care.

He had fallen prey to a very real spiritual obstacle known as “tempting God.” It is listed in the Catechism of the Catholic Church as one potential offense against the First Commandment (2119). While it can take many different forms, either in word or in action, it is quite often, as in the story above, about trying to give God an ultimatum: “God either you do this for me, or else I won’t believe in you. ... God, I won’t love you anymore if this happens.”

In fact, in Scripture, this is how the devil tries to tempt Jesus in the desert — by trying to convince Him to tempt God (Luke 4:1-13).

What the devil was really trying to do was drive a wedge between Jesus and the Father by undermining the love and trust between them. Obviously, Jesus doesn’t take the bait but ultimately responds by quoting Deuteronomy 6:16 “You shall not put the Lord your God to the test ... .”

In desperate or overwhelming moments we can become susceptible to thinking or praying along these lines, especially if we view prayer as a sort of last resort. But hopefully we can see the danger in approaching God this way.

The core problem is that it is ultimately an attempt at manipulation; “do this, or else.” As with any other relationship we might have, once manipulation enters, love and trust are no longer given the space they need to exist, much less flourish. Love and trust cannot abide coercion — since coercion and manipulation are attempts to bypass their most essential elements.

Love must always include freedom — both parties respecting the freedom of the other. Trust likewise, involves a certain letting go of a demand for continual proof.

While both love and trust may at times need some sort of demonstration for their initial growth, the continual demand for demonstration can effectively stunt their maturation.

Trust and the requisite freedom that love requires are difficult for us sometimes, because we all have a tendency to want things a certain way or to have events unfold in a particular fashion. Our fears of not having things the way we want them can be a driving force in our attempts to take matters into our own hands — whether with God, or with others.

As we mature in our relationships, especially our relationship with God, hopefully we come to this realization. Trying to force God’s hand is ultimately a rejection of a relationship of love and trust with Him and attempts to make Him subservient to us.

But it also blinds us to the ways in which He has, and continues to reveal Himself. Our ability to trust Him will grow the more we resist the temptation to put Him to the test.