Jesus tells a great little parable (Mt 21) about two sons, one of whom rather rudely told his father “No!” but then went ahead and did what his dad had asked. The second son gave his dad a respectful “Yes, sir,” but then didn’t do what was requested.
It ends with Jesus asking: “Which of the two did his father’s will?” They answered, “The first.” And Jesus said to them, “Amen, I say to you, tax collectors and prostitutes are entering the kingdom of God before you.”
We have fair warning that all the nice, lovely words available to us mean nothing if we don’t follow through, especially when it comes to doing God’s will.
A lot of my generation seemed to think that being nice was what it meant to be Catholic and Christian. Years later when I heard that “nice” is not related to holiness or faithfulness I had to ponder it for a long time.
Nice is fine, of course, but it is not a replacement for being good of heart and a follower of Jesus. The wonderful virtues of temperance, justice, fortitude and prudence, as well as humility, diligence, charity (love), chastity, faith and hope mean much more than niceness.
Most of us have learned that some nice people use their social skills to get what they want and encourage others to trust them when in fact they are untrustworthy. Of course, some people are both genuine and full of social graces. So, how can we tell the difference?
The presence or absence of the various virtues give us better information about another person’s actual character. If we see someone is reliable, levelheaded and forgiving when things go wrong, that will give us reason to trust them. All of the virtues take some work — sometimes a lot of work — and it’s helpful to know that when one virtue is practiced, the others are growing in that person also.
God works with and through unpleasant personalities when the person cares about pleasing God and wants to do better. Being “rough around the edges” is not a deterrent to God who can help us grow in spite of our roughness.
Think of St. Jerome, who translated the Bible into Latin — no small task. He was known as being a person with a short temper. He did not, as has been said, suffer fools gladly.
One biography said he lost his temper several times a day with various people. After he exploded, however, he felt terrible and punished himself by hitting himself with rocks to repent. That’s a bit extreme, but we can’t doubt his sincere desire to change.
Jerome became a saint in spite of such an easily triggered anger. He did not give anyone the impression of being a nice person, but he became holy by repenting and trying to do better and not giving up hope in Christ.
That’s a message for all of us who struggle with awkwardness or fear, with mental dullness or illness. We can take heart when we hear Jesus tell the self-righteous that “tax collectors and prostitutes are entering the kingdom of God before you.”
We all have times when our progress through a day seems mostly a matter of lurching along. If we stumble as we strive to keep our commitments, or to help someone in need, or to avoid a temptation — hey, we are practicing virtues and our lack of gracefulness doesn’t matter to God. We’re doing a lot more than if we stepped back from good-but-difficult things until we could do them beautifully. Or maybe not do them at all.
So let’s be nice to people. Let’s also be sure to not stop there but go forward and grow in virtue and genuine goodness.
That’s what matters to God.
