LOVES PARK—For families grieving the recent loss of a loved one, that empty seat at the Thanksgiving and Christmas table can deepen the sense of grief and the reality of unwanted change. Dealing with these feelings and finding hope during the holiday season is possible, according to Christopher Druce, director of chaplaincy for Rosecrance Behavioral Health.
Druce and Msgr. Stephen Knox, pastor of St. Bridget Parish, presented a talk Nov. 19 at the parish center titled “From Broken to Beloved: Rediscovering Hope this Holiday Season.” Contributing organizations were the Diocese of Rockford’s Catholic Mental Health Ministry; St. Bridget’s local group Trinity Outreach; and Rosecrance.
“As we enter the holiday season, we are reminded of a lot of the memories of people who have passed away or those who are estranged from our families,” said Druce. “It’s a tough time, and we need to know how to cope in a healthy way so that we don’t hurt ourselves or hurt others.”
Druce focused on defining grief, acknowledging moments of sorrow and moving toward transformation.
“Grief is the natural and normal emotional response to a loss or any change,” he said. “We may fight hard against it, but we are going to be affected and feel something. We grieve all sorts of losses in addition to death, like friendships, health, relationships and jobs. Because grief is a loss and a change, we’re dealing with two very powerful forces that affect our daily lives.”
Druce explained that grief is a loss that lingers, not an event that is soon over and done. “We have to work through grief, which is a process, and there is no set time for grief to be done. We must journey through these waves of grief until we and our grief come to a peaceful shore. Resolving grief is the idea that somehow, someway, I’m going to be okay.”
“The other component to grief is change, which always accompanies a loss,” he said. “The changes that grief brings add to the sorrow we feel as we’re still navigating through the routine and stresses of our daily lives.”
Druce outlined a behavior cycle that many people experience while grieving. “We don’t want to feel our grief, so we end up in STERBs, which means Short-Term Energy Relieving Behaviors. These are things we do when we don’t want to deal with grief.”
“While STERBs can represent self-destructive behaviors at their negative end, STERBs can also be positive behaviors that help us come to terms with our grief and the change that accompanies it,” Druce said. “We can seek counseling or join a grief support group to help us process our losses.”
“During the holiday season, we can remember our deceased loved ones through prayer, by preparing a favorite dish they would cook, placing a candle at our Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner to honor them, and by buying or crafting a Christmas ornament that represents that person,” he said.
Msgr. Knox encouraged those gathered to prayerfully let go of any guilt they may feel over the loss of a loved one. “There’s a danger of getting stuck in your grief, and I think that many times that happens when we feel guilt over someone’s death,” he said.
“In the scriptural example of Lazarus, Jesus calls him out of the tomb, and Lazarus casts off the pieces of cloth that bind him. I think the Lord wants us to be free of that kind of guilt and, through prayer and reconciliation, learn to forgive ourselves.”
The evening concluded with a question-and-answer session and light refreshments.
