An author spoke about empathy as having its uses but noted that it eventually will exhaust caregivers and any who wish to help people they don’t know personally.
That author proposed compassion as a better approach than empathy. With compassion, love is the foundational motivation for the efforts and sacrifices made by those hoping to assist. Jesus embodied compassion, and He is, as always, the best model for us in this and all things. If we look, we can find compassionate people at work around us.
In a short article in the fall 2006 edition of “Spiritual Life,” William B. Matthews, Ph.D. reflects on his spiritual growth while living in a retirement facility and caring for his ailing wife. He allows himself to suffer for love, with compassion.
“That we advance in love only through the pain of strong effort is another graceful gift from God, perhaps His final and most generous one,” Dr. Matthews says.
For some, compassionate love of others gives meaning and purpose to life. I visited with a family with young adult sons who embodied inner peace as they worked in the family business of providing equine therapy to a variety of people with disabilities. They found joy in their service.
That same peace seemed to radiate out of a high school student featured a few years ago on TV. He did not participate in extracurricular activities because his help was needed by his disabled grandmother. While some of us would grumble through such times, this young man had a purpose, and it was inspiring him toward a future in the medical field.
In the Gospels, Jesus acts and speaks with compassion. It both sharpens His focus on His mission and occasionally sidetracks His path — always to good purpose. Compassion for others led Him, and can lead us, to a ministry of presence.
Dr. Matthews notes, “We must ignore ‘busyness’ and redirect our energies into suffering ourselves to do our best to alleviate the suffering of others … We can never ease it all, but a high degree of satisfaction comes when we at least do something: one prisoner visited, one beggar fed or given a cup of water — one wife served.”
Young, old or in between, we all can take steps to redirect some of our time and energy to compassionately benefit others. Perhaps even more important, we can recognize that an approach of compassion can lighten our current burdens of obligations. Perhaps especially when we care for children and elders, we need to develop compassion. Viewing our service to them as merely obligations will suck the light of life right out of us.
Empathy can help us place ourselves in another’s “shoes” and thus become more aware of the obstacles they face, but compassion gives us heartfelt energy to do something about it.
“I am sustained by what God continually teaches me through these struggles,” says Dr. Matthews in his article. “How can I simply accept that serving someone who is suffering results in the deepest of joys? … My only response is that life tells me it is true.”
He also notes that the pursuit of happiness is “an unobtainable goal,” and even counsels against just keeping busy for the sake of keeping busy when others need encouragement in their trials. He insists that “simple acts lead to human joy … how radical is the satisfaction when we answer the call and fulfill our love to the best of our abilities.”
If we find ourselves struggling for more meaning in life, let us take this to heart. As we look around or read the news or hear of the trials of this or that person, may we feel compassion and pray for them, and help in any way our compassionate hearts suggest.
Perhaps we can help directly, or maybe through an organization created to meet specific needs.
Either way, let us strive for the maturity of our hearts in love — in our own love plus God’s more compassionate love — and embody that love of God here on earth.
