by John Tuttle Coordinator of Communications for the Life and Family Evangelization Office
This month, the Church in the US celebrates National Marriage Week (Feb. 7-14), appropriately ending on the feast of St. Valentine’s Day. While Valentine’s Day is an occasion on which the secular world throws chocolates and Cupid darts at us, its deeper meaning lies in commemorating a Catholic priest from the 3rd century.
Father Valentine married Roman soldiers and their fiancées in secret, since marriage was denied to members of the military at that time. He was eventually found out and martyred. His feast day has come to be associated with romance. Yet, the festive day revolving around kisses and sweets seems to neglect the heroism of its namesake.
Marriage also takes heroism. It took no little amount of courage on the part of the Roman soldiers to marry the women they loved. If caught, they would suffer a fate as bad as Valentine’s. That’s the kind of virtue matrimony calls for.
Many of God’s gifts invite us into more responsibilities. Our vocation is that way. When my wife, Ellen, and I made our vows, we took responsibility for one another, to care for the other in sickness and health. Once married, spouses remain open to the generation of new life. If God blesses your union with children, He invites you into further responsibilities. The invitation to enter deeper into God’s heart, and His mission for us is always there.
When we have responsibilities, we have priorities within those responsibilities. If I have the choice between chores or downtime where I watch the dishes pile up in the sink, cleaning the dishes takes priority. I might not want to do it, but God calls me to that task, just as I’m sure you are called to do chores around your house.
The priorities in marriage, from greatest to least, are God, your spouse, children, and finally everything else. Those priorities may be a challenge to balance. But starting with our first priority, God, makes everything else fall into place.
In the Book of Revelation, God says: “I am the Alpha and the Omega, the first and the last, the beginning and the end” (Rev. 22:13). In the morning, Ellen and I say some traditional prayers. And we have our prayer routine at night as well. Once we’ve prayed, our day really begins. After prayers at night, we tell each other of our love. When kids come along, God willing, we will pray with them also and give them our love at the day’s end.
Whatever happens, married couples must stay close to God. Sometimes Ellen and I slip into a chapel and immerse ourselves in Jesus’s Eucharistic presence. The Eucharist, said Bishop David Malloy at last year’s Silver and Gold Wedding Anniversary Mass, “has a huge role to play in the understanding and living of marriage. It is a Body and Blood given for others in a sacrificial love.”
Our spouse must be our best friend. We will never stop learning things about each other. One of my fondest dates with Ellen before we were married was going mini golfing on Valentine’s Day. I saw a goofy side of her I hadn’t seen before. It made me love her even more. Learning about your spouse deepens your relationship.
When we remain in Jesus, He remains in us and in our marriages. He adds merit to our sacrifices and makes our love supernatural. Sometimes sacrificial love looks like Calvary. Sometimes it looks like secretly marrying soldiers under threat of capture. And sometimes sacrificial love looks like washing a few pots and pans.
