In the last column I looked at some ways in which other people can negatively impact our moral behavior. Specifically, people who would encourage us to sin and those who give bad examples. There are, of course, other kinds of relationships which can prove to be challenging to our moral lives as well. 

 

One example would be those people who tend to bring out the worst in us; not because they encourage sin or set a bad example per se, but simply because they tend to “push our buttons” or otherwise annoy us. 

 

While this may be true of many different people at times, I’m really speaking about those that we struggle with consistently and chronically. These are people we lose our patience or temper with most of the time we’re with them, not just occasionally. They may be people we tend to treat uncharitably, even if we say we love them. 

 

For their part, they may or may not do the things that trouble us on purpose. If they are done on purpose, then clearly that person would be responsible for the choice to frustrate or agitate us. Likewise, if they’re aware that certain things trouble us and they simply refuse to make an effort to change those behaviors, then they would also bear some responsibility. 

 

But if they are not doing it on purpose, or perhaps are even completely unaware how their behavior affects us, then we have to examine our reactions to determine what could or should be done to avoid falling into sin ourselves. In some cases, this may simply mean that we avoid interacting with them any more than necessary. 

 

If we come to recognize a near occasion of sin for us — whatever the cause — it is both prudent and laudable to avoid putting ourselves in that situation if we have the ability to avoid it. 

 

“Avoiding the near occasion of sin” doesn’t simply mean avoiding the situations where we are susceptible to some great temptation we struggle with. It can also mean that we learn to avoid certain people at times if being around them can lead us to repeated uncharitable acts. 

 

The difficulty for many of us though, is that sometimes we simply cannot reasonably avoid certain people, especially if they are someone like a family member or coworker. Family members especially can prove to be challenging since we can feel “guilty” for not spending time with them. Or we may feel that we have a certain responsibility to engage them, even if doing so tends to only enrage us. 

 

Here again, if we can reasonably avoid the situation altogether, or at least limit the interactions then doing so may prove the most prudent move.  But what about the other cases when we truly have no choice but to be around them? Then the situation becomes an opportunity to grow in virtue. 

 

It can be easy to miss the fact that sometimes the people we most struggle to be around can be the very people who end up being the greatest opportunity we have to grow in certain virtues. 

 

I will never be a patient person unless I actually show patience when it is difficult to show. And sometimes those whom I find most difficult to be patient with actually afford me the best opportunity to become a truly patient person. 

 

We can think of it as something analogous to the world of athletics. People don’t become Olympic caliber athletes unless their training is particularly rigorous. The difficulty of the regimen results in unlocking the true potential inside. 

 

It works much that way when it comes to virtue as well. If we can’t avoid someone that troubles us, then learning to deal with them with whatever charity we can muster, as difficult as it proves to be, might end up being invaluable to our progress in virtue.