We may be single by choice or by circumstance. We may have embraced the vocation of priesthood, the diaconate, or life as a vowed member of a religious order. We may be married.

 

In all of life’s circumstances, we can only benefit by faithfully living the teaching of the Church that sexually intimate relations are reserved for a husband and wife, excluding all others. That teaching is nothing new to our faith, but it is challenged today by a society that does not honor marriage or God’s original plan for humanity.

 

Even in more supportive surroundings, throughout all of human history chastity has been a tough teaching. Those who are married are tempted to cheat. Those who are single nowadays are actually expected to indulge their passions. Priests, deacons, religious brothers and religious sisters don’t get a pass on these same struggles.

 

And everyone at some point suffers from loneliness, no matter how well we cushion ourselves with families and friends, work and goals. Our hearts tend toward restlessness, as St. Augustine says.

 

Fortunately, God cares about each one of us, and all His gifts are geared to bring us inner freedom and greater love. We can turn to Him for help — and we also can turn to His saints, knowing that they struggled also.

 

Two saints who come to mind as being particularly empathetic to our struggles are St. Francis of Assisi and St. Margaret of Cortona.

 

St. Francis is said to have thrown himself into thorn bushes in a quest to ease his passions. St. Margaret lived for nine years with a man, bearing his child and, according to one author, flaunting her unmarried relationship to the world.

 

Help from the thorn bush was temporary at best. What finally worked for Francis was to think forward on what his life would be like if he had a wife. Instead of serving God, he realized his energy would necessarily be spent on a human spouse. That realization deflated the temptation, and Francis was able with freedom to grow in love of God with a singular focus.

 

When Margaret followed their dog and discovered her lover’s murdered body, she realized, suddenly and dramatically, how far away from God she had gone. She changed her life accordingly, also focusing on God as her only love.

 

That single-heartedness is the key to living a chaste life without needing to “white-knuckle” through every day. Instead of looking at chastity as limiting our love, how about if we view it as a way to free us completely to love our Lord? 

 

St. Therese of Lisieux told God that He was the only one she could love who would never die. She had suffered many losses in her short life, including one loss that left her ill for months. She’s a good one to turn to when we get hammered with loneliness. She can intercede for us with God who is the one and only one who can completely fill the emptiness inside us all.

 

Something else that has helped my own forever-single life has been to develop the habit of seeing men as my big (or little) brothers. Doing so gives me some detachment and also helps me see them as individuals created by God. 

 

Viewing others as consisting of so much more than their outward appearances might be a habit that can help us all at many levels, even as a buffer against ageism to racism or any other ‘ism’ that comes along.

 

Pondering chastity as a gift given to all of us by God can help us see it in a new way. That perspective can help us discover God as someone who knows what we need to be happy, and as the One who is always with us and will never leave us.