A while ago, I was a bit late to a party, so I slid into the back of the room as everyone focused on the honoree opening presents.

 

I had been invited and knew everyone there, so I was astonished when I suddenly felt an overwhelming sense of not belonging. It was so strong that, after only a few minutes of hovering, I left. The feeling lingered for the rest of the day and into the next afternoon.

 

What was ridiculous is that I knew all along — and told myself repeatedly — that no one would have thought I didn’t belong there. What I felt so strongly made no sense.

 

Our saints warn us about putting too much stock in feelings because they can be misleading (like mine obviously had been) and cause us to go astray — including spiritually. 

 

For example, a friend of mine stopped going to Mass because, she said, she didn’t feel “fed” there — never mind the realities of the gifts and graces, body and blood of Jesus actually received at Mass. Eventually she left the Church altogether, trusting her feelings more than what she used to know was true.

 

Feelings can be manipulated by other people following their own goals and also by Satan who is always working to pull us away from our faith and its practices. Satan is the consummate liar who is able to trick everyone who is not vigilantly questioning whatever doesn’t jibe with Church teaching. 

 

Church teaching — developed with the input of graces, Holy Spirit inspirations, and by many prayers over thousands of years — is a powerful shield against evil of all kinds. 

 

Unfortunately, when it comes to deceptive feelings, we ourselves can be our own worst enemy.

 

The first “Despicable Me” animated movie included a brief scene of the protagonist, Gru, as a little kid who talks to himself about how “nobody wants me/loves me/sees me …” even as many people passing by call out their hellos and invite him to come and join them. His self-talk is so loud that he misses the reality of all the friendly people around him.

 

It was cute in a cartoon, but that kind of self-talk also can make it difficult for us to believe that God loves us. Negative self-talk can develop in us feelings of unworthiness, which are a particularly troublesome trap. Such feeling may be based in reality, but, heck, nobody is worthy so let’s just accept that, set such feelings aside and get on with doing our best to serve God as He and the Church request. The work won’t get done if we get bogged down by the false humility of “unworthiness.”

 

Feelings, by and large, are not reliable as we grow in faith. They can, for example, trick us into sticking with a way of life and prayer that feels comfortable instead of stepping out to explore a call from God into something more challenging. 

 

Saints tell us that feeling close to God is not a reliable measure of being close to God. The often pondered “dark night” experience, for example, is a time of great growth in faith that is empty of all feelings of closeness to God — when it seems that God doesn’t exist or is far away or busy elsewhere. 

 

A much truer measure of growth is to determine if we are practicing more and more works of the Holy Spirit, if we are forgiving others more completely, and if we are more regularly sacrificing in some way to make others’ lives better. In other words, if we can tell we are doing better at loving our neighbor, we can know we are progressing in love of God.

 

There are many examples of people who go through life with a false sense of identity, not knowing themselves and their own, intrinsic, dignity that comes from God. 

 

Such a realization of God’s love for us and our built-in dignity is another tremendous shield against deceptive feelings. It fights against both self-deprecation and self-aggrandization. 

 

Perhaps it comes down to the simple fact that we are neither as awesomely good nor as hopelessly bad as our feelings may lead us to believe. We are people who can always improve in love, and God is willing to help us improve if we are willing to try.

 

There is work to be done for God. When we can do so, let’s do so — and not allow our often-wayward feelings get in the way.