Therapy can be healthy, beneficial, and, sometimes, necessary. 

 

This is an important message for married couples in crisis, according to Regina Boyd, a Catholic licensed mental health counselor, who spoke last month to a group involved in Catholic family life ministry. 

 

She spoke to my heart. 

 

Talk therapy has been part of my life since my early 20s. Needing therapy does not mean a person, or couple, is “crazy” or “weak.” Admitting to needing therapy is instead a healthy move. 

 

Therapy helped me build skills in communication and conflict resolution, helped me realize that loving someone may mean setting healthy boundaries, and helped me identify unhealthy patterns in my life to not keep repeating. 

 

One of my therapists incorporated the Catholic faith into our discussions; another did not. The non-Catholic therapist did still respect my religious beliefs. In searching for a therapist, I stopped meeting with one who was not a good fit. This is understandable and not a sign to stop therapy. At one point, I thought that therapy was not an option due to cost. Thankfully, I found someone who set costs based on my financial ability. 

 

Boyd encouraged all to view therapy as preventive medicine — like a six-month visit to the dentist. The message is the sooner a couple in crisis gets to therapy, the better the chance to build the way back to a healthy marriage. 

 

Counseling may be called for if a conflict has been unresolved for a long time, if there are patterns of poor communication, if substance abuse or if mental health issues are present. Know that domestic violence is always wrong. If domestic abuse is happening in a home in any form (verbal, emotional, physical, or sexual), the abused person should immediately reach out for help. The 24/7 National Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). 

 

Finding an experienced marriage counselor who follows the teachings of the Church on marriage and family can be difficult. Our Catholic Charities has resources. Visit catholiccharities.rockforddiocese.org/counseling." target="blank">http://catholiccharities.rockforddiocese.org/counseling">catholiccharities.rockforddiocese.org/counseling. Look also to your physician or to family or trusted friends for referrals. Try to find a therapist who is committed to saving your marriage and who looks to Catholic faith to strengthen your relationship. 

 

There is much grace in the sacrament of marriage. To cooperate with that grace, a first step may be the return to reconciliation and to weekly Mass if that habit has slipped. Parish priests can help spiritually guide troubled couples. More resources are on the For Your Marriage website at catholiccharities.rockforddiocese.org/counseling." target="blank">http://catholiccharities.rockforddiocese.org/counseling">catholiccharities.rockforddiocese.org/counseling. This site is sponsored by the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops and the Catholic Communication Campaign. 

 

Also speaking at last month’s ministry conference was Greg Schutte, who is a licensed independent social worker and active in marriage enrichment. Schutte connected marriage to the Eucharist. “Marriage is a sacrament of sacrifice,” he said. “We sometimes take God and our spouses for granted.

 We are suffering because we do not have a relationship with Jesus, who died to give us the Mass.” We need to be intentional, Schutte said, in both relationships: with our spouse and with God.

 

Getting “right with God” is an adage that may have its basis in Romans 5:1, “Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access [by faith] to this grace in which we stand …” 

 

Through Jesus’ sacrifice on the Cross, we have access to God’s divine presence. Peace can reign in our hearts, in our marriages, and in our families. We must put our hope in Our Lord. Sometimes this means taking intentional steps, like therapy and prayer, to invite that peace in.