When I first started praying outside the Planned Parenthood in Aurora two decades ago, I felt as if I was standing at the edge of a dark pit. The presence of death was certain. 

 

My Gen X brain turned to the depiction in the Star Wars saga of the creature called Sarlacc, who lives in the Pit of Carkoon on the planet Tatooine. Its giant tentacles reach up to the surface to capture its prey. In one movie, Han Solo was dangled over the pit in an albeit unsuccessful attempt to enact Jabba the Hutt’s death sentence. 

 

At the time, I felt ill-equipped to deal with such a dark presence. My discomfort eventually led me to stop praying at the facility, though I continued my work on the parish Respect Life committee. It would be several years before I returned to a place of vigil across from an abortuary. 

 

In the intervening years, I realized that I had indeed, back then, been ill-equipped to pray outside the facility. I had been spiritually ill-equipped and also spiritually ill-formed. There is a certain confrontation with evil — a stand — that takes place when we pray or counsel outside an abortion facility. Because of this, spiritual preparation is vital. We pray-ers and counselors must stay close to Jesus and His Church — as we all must. Time in adoration, celebration of reconciliation, and celebration of Mass, if possible on the day we are scheduled to pray, are all vital to protect ourselves and also to bring with us the right attitudes of humility and love. 

 

Pride is called the first sin, the root of sin, the queen of sin by various Catholic theologians. Sometimes those who take a public stand for the sanctity of human life can grow to think we are better than others because we do “stand” for life and because others do not. We are not better. We can sometimes think we are better than those who work at abortion facilities, or those who visit abortion facilities, or those who abort their babies. We are not. We pro-lifers are sinners, living among a group of sinners. All Christians must wear the mantle of humility closely. 

 

When across from the facility, we must remember that Satan preys upon the mother who visits the facility to consider or achieve abortion and upon the abortion workers and doctors. We are all victims of a society that has placed the self on the pedestal meant for God. The lives of the mother, father, and abortuary staff are in danger just as the life of the baby is in danger. The latter due to loss of life; the former due to loss of relationship with God. 

 

Years after my initial experiences praying outside an abortuary, I offer an alternative image based on the reality that we are called not to condemn but to love. Imagine a merciful light shining upon the abortion facility, upon all who visit and work there, upon the pray-ers and advocates, and upon all who innocently pass by. The light is the Holy Spirit, taking our prayers and our advocacy to the necessary places of darkness that we cannot and should not know or imagine. 

 

If we as pro-life advocates spend our ministry focusing on the certain death and darkness of abortion, we risk becoming what we pray: a person with a darkened heart. We need instead to love the mother, love the baby, and love the abortionist. Ask for God’s grace to do so. Pray that we all will be saved. 

 

If you are grieving your role in abortion, know that the Catholic Church offers you hope and a home. Visit http://www.rockforddiocese.org/life/hope-after-abortion/ as a way to connect with the healing mercy of Jesus Christ.