In the last column I looked at gossip and how the Church understands it. One of the things that I mentioned was the fact that simply talking about someone else doesn’t necessarily mean that I’m gossiping. 

 

There may be times when I have an obligation to say something about someone else, even if it means divulging their faults.  Likewise, there may be times when I’m complaining about something someone has done or said and not have it be gossip; what we might call “venting” or “getting something off my chest.” 

 

Having the ability to do this can help us deal with what we might be facing or enduring with someone else. It can be a healthy thing if done appropriately. But when are such things allowed without crossing over into a form of gossip? 

 

The Catechism of the Catholic Church doesn’t offer a specific set of guidelines for what can admittedly be a fine line sometimes, but with a decent understanding of how the Church understands gossip coupled with some pastoral wisdom passed down from previous generations, we can come to a reasonable assessment and even some general parameters that can help us. So what things should be looked at to accomplish this?

 

First and foremost, we can never permit anything false to enter our speech about another person. What is shared must be true. This would eliminate mere speculation, or at least acknowledging when something isn’t really known. 

 

It would also mean refraining from attacking the person or maligning their character in the process. Hateful speech about another person in any form cannot be tolerated. I can complain about something someone has done without resorting to insults or name calling in the process. 

 

There would also have to be a legitimate reason for sharing the information. Entertainment or shock value would not be considered licit reasons in and of themselves. If what I share is shocking or surprising it should not be the primary motivation for sharing it.  

 

I also must guard against sharing information in such a way simply as an effort to garner pity or sympathy. 

 

That being said, there are certainly many reasons that would be completely acceptable for speaking about others. For example, if I find myself really bothered by someone’s behavior and I’m seeking the counsel of someone whom I think could help offer some advice as how to best deal with or approach the situation, then clearly sharing examples from my own experience would be justified. 

 

Likewise, if I find myself really upset or hurt by what someone has said or done then simply sharing that with someone else may help me to deal with it on a personal level. It can afford me the opportunity to talk it out and perhaps gain some insight in the process or simply offer me some consolation or reassurance. 

 

It might also be the case that I share something because I begin to question myself and the role that I’m playing in a relationship. I may wonder if I’m not seeing something clearly and so I share examples with someone as part of what is ultimately an attempt at self assessment. 

 

There can be many other examples when talking about others, even about unflattering things, can be done without falling prey to gossip. One other thing that must be examined though in all of these considerations is simply who I’m sharing the information with. It should be someone who has some reason to know the information or at least someone who is a trusted confidant who will neither share the information inappropriately nor use it in a harmful way themselves. 

 

Talking about other people is an unavoidable part of our lives as human beings. But as Christians we must strive to ensure that the manner in which we go about it honors the one who endowed us with the ability to communicate in the first place.